i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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