When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
