dude i'm inner monologue high
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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