go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
