Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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