i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
