the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
