after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
