when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
