Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
