alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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