Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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