don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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