I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why can't burritos get me drunk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
