At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
