I think i peed on brittanys purse
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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