all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's like iHOP with fire
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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