you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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