he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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