I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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