so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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