Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
