my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
