I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize