You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
