He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize