Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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