I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
