dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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