One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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