Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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