i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just google imaged poop.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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