Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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