I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
