I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My Higher Power is John Stamos
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
