I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
