Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
