he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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