I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
