My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
