6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
