Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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