Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
