You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
