Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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