I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I love having hate sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
