so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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