At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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