You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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