Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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