just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
