Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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