The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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