Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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