OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
