My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
