they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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