Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
