why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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