Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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