I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
