is wine microwaveable?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
