She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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