I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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