it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
