the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
