Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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