I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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