That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
