i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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