So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And then my night got REAL pukey
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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