So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize