Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize