dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
