WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
