btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
